In which I decide that, this time, I'll really do something about it...again

Those of you who know me well know that I suffer from insomnia. I used to think that insomnia was just a joke disorder, an excuse for poor sleeping habits and odd sleep schedules. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that it exists, and I do actually have it.
I don't stay up late, usually. If I'm not in bed by midnight, something special is happening. Something special or something shitty, anyway (special = fun time with awesome people. Shitty = homework, sick, etc). If I had my druthers, I would be in bed by 9 o'clock with a good book and asleep by 10, with automatic lights that turn off at 10:01. And now that I am living in the middle of nowhere with nothing around, and Aaron is busy with homework ( = shitty) I've been doing that lately and it's awesome. I can't recommend it enough.

However, I don't have the kind of insomnia that prevents me from falling asleep. It's the staying asleep that's the problem. I'll fall asleep, and then wake up at 3am. This happens regularly, 1-7 times per week, and this will happen whether I go to bed at 10pm or 1am. There is always a dilemma: do I stay in bed with my eyes wide open, going insane, or do I get up and just face the fact that I won't be sleeping? Both suck.
But lately I've been getting up because for some reason it sometimes helps me fall back to sleep at say 6am (a cool 45 minutes to an hour before I usually have to get up for work). That, or else I won't let myself get out of bed until I hear birds chirping. I don't know why, but that just seems like a good marker for activeness in the waking-world. (side note: because I live in a hollow, the sun rises really late, at around 7am, even in mid-summer.)

The other day I realized for the first time that this has been happening all my life. Out of the blue I remembered asking other kids growing up if, in the middle of the night, they'd suddenly realize that their eyes were open and not know how long they'd been awake. There are specific memories from my early childhood that I have of forcing myself to try to fall sleep/pretend for hours that I can remember vividly. I remember feeling agony, hopelessness, and desperation, much like I do now when I can't sleep.

I thought I'd take this opportunity to blog about what I do when make the leap and decide to get out of bed.

1) I usually spend the majority of the time on surfing the web. Luckily, I know a lot of websites where you can waste a lot of time looking at dumb things. I'll post later about my favorites.

2) I usually drink herbal tea. Right now I'm drinking red tea my mom sent me from Kenya.

3) Sometimes I'll try to read, but usually I'm so tired my eyes hurt.

4) I watch movies Aaron wouldn't want to watch if he were awake. This includes such classics as Ella Enchanted (lent to me by Aaron's adviser, oddly enough), The Shirley Temple collection (Bright Eyes is my fav), Little Women, various Christmas movies, and yes, Meghan, Anne of Green Gables helps, too.

5) I might resort to baking. Not often. Usually I won't have the energy. After this I am tempted to make some pumpkin bread, though. mmm...

6) Books on tape. I love The Velveteen Rabbit read by Meryl Streep.

7) If I'm really desperate for sleep, I'll take a pill to knock me out. But I don't like doing that in the middle of the night because it'll still be working by the time I have to wake up.